causes of relationship Anxiety

Having or experiencing relationship anxiety is one of the worst feelings you could ever feel, because it doesn’t only make you feel insecure but it can tarnish your chances of falling or being in love again.

They are a few people on this planet who will come out and admit that they have relationship anxiety because it isn’t something that they are proud of and generally accepting that you have anxiety is the hardest thing for anyone to do.  Anxiety as a mental illness interferes with alot of things in a person’s life, from lifestyle to relationships,  in this article am going to be explaining relationship anxiety and what causes it.


When it comes to anxiety, we all know that it is a human thing to feel daily but excess anxiety has bad or painful effects .

Relationship anxiety happens in two different situations, one situation  is where by you are in a relationship but always worrying about what is going to happen in the future , the other situation is where by you don’t want to enter or your afraid of starting a new relationship because of maybe what happened in your past relationship.

All these kind of relationship anxieties can affect your love life in different ways. So let’s look at these situations differently.

  • Where your already in a relationship.

These days alot of people are having sleepless nights because of their partners. They keep on worrying what their partners  are doing behind their backs or what secrets they are keeping. This type of relationship where by there is no trust of one another is a very stressful relationship which can make one of the person in a relationship to have an anxiety disorder. In most cases in this kind of situation the anxiety that you already have or the thoughts that are making you anxious will always make you question everything that your partner is doing.

This kind of anxiety that comes when your already in a relationship has things that trigger it in the first place and that’s what am going to be discussing in this article. When you understand what relationship anxiety really is, then you will see that the causes are within our surroundings and our inner mind. For someone who has suffered or suffering from anxiety, we know that sometimes we get anxious out of the blue and we don’t know even why we are feeling that way.

  • When you don’t want or afraid to enter a new relationship.

In this case a person is afraid or doesn’t want to enter in any relationship.  A person leaving in this kind of fear, always looks or thinks about what happened in the past or what will happen in the future and the thoughts that he or she gets can hinder or make him become uninterested in beginning any kind of relationship.

Every person, who has entered in a second relationship, has kind of experienced this kind of relationship anxiety though the levels of anxiety always differ, as i say that some experience mild, moderate and severe anxiety.  If your not able to let go of the fears that hinder you in starting a new relationship then that means that you have an anxiety disorder which has to be delt with.

Many people who are having this kind of anxiety, always come up with different excuses of not wanting to enter a relationship. Excuses can be like;

  1. Am not ready.
  2.  I don’t have time
  3. Am always busy
  4. Am ok being single
  5. Am looking for perfection.
  6. Am not interested in boys or girls.
  7. Relationships have no meaning.

And so much more. Both of the above situations can be dealt with if you find a psychologist who is experienced in helping people overcome relationship anxiety.


They are things or factors that make us have anxiety in our relationships or about the whole relationship concept.

7 causes of relationship anxiety


Being insecure in any area of your life can always make you anxious , because it always makes you feel that you aren’t good enough in whatever stage of your life you are at. There are alot of insecurities that can cause relationship anxiety, this can be your physical appearance, career or what you think in your mind that your partner finds attractive.

The most common insecurities that people do have is mostly on their physical appearance. Today everyone or most of the majority are trying to look good in order to feel more attractive infront of their spouses or partners. The pressure that is between striving to look good and thinking about if you can’t reach those body goals is stressful enough to make anyone have anxiety.

At first when we  enter a relationship or at the new stages, most of the times our partners find us in shape or looking very nice, but after a couple of years we definitely get used to each other or we even get kids, which offcourse will change how our bodies look like, which we make us feel insecure afterwards.

The other insecurities would be if we aren’t outgoing enough, social or fun enough to attract the kind of partners we are looking for and if we are insecure in that area, then it is very hard for us to enter a relationship.

Peer influence.

The circle that we live in, this can be friends or family, can influence alot in our relationships. The anxiety sometimes we feel or you feel, might not be as bad till someone close to you fuels it. It is very natural to feel anxious or to worry about your relationship or where it is going, but when you have a close friend that you choose to confide in , you better make sure that this kind of person understands what to be in relationship otherwise you might end up being more anxious.

In some situations where your friends can stalk your partner on social media , or what they are doing and later they come and they tell you about it, will make you have an anxiety. There is also a perception that people in your circle have towards a relationship or the picture of your partner can cause relationship anxiety.  For someone who lives in a circle of single people who think all relationships don’t work out or all men cheat then that will affect your mindset as well and your won’t be motivated to enter in any relationship rather it will end up becoming a scary thing for you.

Unhealthy habits.

When people are in relationship , you will realize different habits they have, some of these habits you already know while others might come as a surprise to you.  The unhealthy anxiety might be triggered because your partner is acting in any type of way that makes you worry or feel unsettled. These kind of habits can include uncontrollable jealousy, over dominance, use of violence and many more other things.

In most cases if you find your partner treating you in such a bad manner or having such habits just know that something isn’t right in their life or wasn’t right in their past.  In my experience i had a violent boyfriend and later i realized that it was one of the reason that fueled my anxiety.  Unhealthy habits do contribute alot on having relationship anxiety because of the fear of what our partners will do next.

Long distance relationships.

It is normal to feel insecure or worry about what your partner is doing when your living in different countries, cities or  villages.  When we are starting long distance relationships, sometimes we don’t realize the effects that come with these kind of relationships because of the excitement we might be having at the moment.

The truth is that not everyone is meant or can handle being in long distance relationship.  The thought of your partner being far away from you can be stressful enough to make you go into panic.  In most cases when our partners are far away we tend to put crazy ideas in our heads or imagine false ideas of what they might be doing at that time. For example if you have a girlfriend who lives in another country and she tells you that she is going out with friends, for someone who doesn’t see your girlfriend daily, you might get jealousy or even start thinking the worst scenario which can cause anxiety.


When it comes to making anything work, the mindset is everything. In most cases when a person goes into a new relationship with a negative mindset, this will definitely cause problems in the short run, because this is where a person starts mistrusting their partner before they even fall into wrong.  For people who are scared of entering new relationships, deep down in their brains and hearts they already know that all relationships or love stories don’t end well which ends up hindering them to entering new relationships or finding love again.

Fear of Abandonment.

They are people who fear to be abandoned, and mere thinking of their partner leaving them is fearful enough to cause anxiety.  As humans we were born different, some people their partners are there life while others don’t care at all.

When a person develops that fear of being abandoned by the people they love then they will have anxiety since they will be worrying about what will happen if that would the case.


Depression is one of the reason to most of the anxieties that we might have. when a person is depressed, offcourse they will have mood swings and they won’t be happy in their relationship.

A depressed person is always anxious and restless, in that if they are in a relationship it is very hard for them to be in a good mood.



Any anxiety disorder can come to an end, it all depends on how your dealing with it and what strategies your using either to manage it or get outside the bubble.

I would recommend a person suffering from relationship anxiety to seek professional help, and this can be meeting a psychologist or a healthy worker that is competent in that field.

You can still use the simple strategies to avoid relationship anxiety.

  • Occupy your mind with useful stuff.  In most cases people who worry too much about what their partners are doing, are people who have less to do and they find themselves investing all their free time spying or being suspicious of their partner. ” There is a saying that goes an idle mind is a devil’s workshop” in life we have to keep ourselves busy with the things that motivate us or that pump lots of positivity in our lives than leaving our minds to wander anyhow.
  • Develop confidence.  Most of the insecurities we have or feel in our lives are because we feel we aren’t worthy enough to be with the people we are with at a particular time this can be because of our physical appearance or the situation where in.  Developing confidence is not an easy thing but its possible. Forexample if you feel like your body isn’t in shape you can try and do something about it . Developing confidence is all about doing things that make you feel good about yourself.
  • Seek a therapist. There is nothing good like accepting that you have a weakness when it comes to relationships because the process of healing starts from acceptance.

Relationship anxiety disorder is a very serious illness which shouldn’t be taken lightly. You should seek help if you realize your suffering from it.


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